Happy Birthday!

It is so hard living on the other

side of the world, practically, from my Mom.

And today makes it even harder! It is her birthday today.

There is only so much I can do from all the way over here.

I figured a public, "Yipee! It's your Birthday!" post would be good.

Mom, I hope you have a great birthday.

I don't like to see you struggle. You are a wonderful example to me and those around you of  faith and good perspective. I looked through some old photos today, which only made me more homesick and miss you even more! I am in awe, as I think back through the years, at your incredible selflessness.

I'm so happy you are my Mom and that we are so close.

Happy Birthday!!

xoxo

Folfiri part two

After delaying the second round of folfiri due to being neutropenic, I skipped my third round due to dealing with complications that happened when the stent was put in. I didn't want to deal with the changes and complications and chemo at the same time so it was my decision to skip one round. Not expecting a diet change because of having a stent complicated life just a bit. How do you eat healthy when they put you on a low fiber diet? Now I'm back on track with the schedule.

The day before Thanksgiving I had a ct scan which showed that the tumors in my lungs are still continuing to grow. The concern is that this chemo is not working. But because I was delayed with one round and skipped another, it may just be that I haven't been consistent enough. The plan is to do two more rounds which will make four consistent rounds and have another ct scan on January 6th. If the tumors are still growing we will move to the third and final chemo option. 

I did so well with the folfox it didn't enter my mind that this one would not work for me. I'm trying not to worry about it until we know for sure what we are dealing with but at the same time it is good to be prepared.

This has been a rough chemo on me, leaving me very weak and tired (not to mention the hair loss). But I continue to feel lifted by the love and prayers that are so generously given in my behalf. I believe they are literally keeping me going. I am so grateful for the support of good friends and family that I am surrounded by. 

Folfiri

My first round of the new chemo, folfiri was not very pleasant. I left SCCA in a wheelchair, dizzy, and with twitching eyes. My eyes finally got back to normal after about 5 hours. It was a side effect of one of the meds they gave me to reduce an expected side effect that I never got. I won't be taking that again. One side effect of this chemo is a lovely acne type rash which I do have.

I went in for my 2nd round and was neutropenic so I couldn't have chemo that day. Instead, I went in the next three days for shots to help boost my white blood count. So chemo was delayed a week and I went in on Tuesday. Everything went well. I feel good. The only thing is that my hair is thinning big time.  I don't know how much I'll loose but it's freaking me out a bit when I wash my hair and I find big clumps of hair in my hands and also when I style it. I'm trying to stay positive but losing your hair is hard. 

My last CT scan showed not only the tumors in my lungs growing but the one in my colon growing as well. I feel I made the right decision in making the chemo switch. I have gone in for testing on the colon. The pictures show a significant narrowing of the colon in one place which has been giving me problems. I will be going in next week to have a stent put in to help relieve those problems and make me more comfortable. 

I know that whatever we are asked to go through in this life it is for our growth and benefit. I am trusting the process and am striving to stay positive and learn what is meant for me to learn and do what is asked of me to do. I love my family and am strengthened by their support as well as the support of fabulous friends. This would be so much harder without you! I trust in my Savior and know that He loves me and is with not only me but my family as we go through this. All of these things bring me comfort and peace.

Change is in the air

I woke up early this morning, to head into Seattle for chemo and the air was crisp and cool. I love the Fall and I think it has arrived. Time to get out my boots and sweaters and quilts (well, they're always out) and jackets!

I had a CT scan on Friday and was anxious to find out the results of that. it had been scheduled for the 27th but they bumped it up because my liver function tests had been running high over the pasts few months and they continued to climb. The blood work from today showed they are a little better than last time but still high. The CT scan showed that most everything was stable but the tumors in my lungs once again were growing a little. My cancer markers doubled to 404 from two weeks ago. So the doctor gave me a choice. I could continue the same chemotherapy and see if we could squeeze out a few more good rounds or go ahead and change chemos which was already going to happen sometime soon. He said there is no wrong answer and that sometimes there is a very clear line when it can be determined that the chemotherapy is no longer working and you move to the next one. But in this case it wasn't so clear. Things are kind of going up and down.

After weighing the pros and cons we decided to change chemotherapys. One thing that helped me make that decision is when they told me that we can come back to this chemotherapy later if we need to. So after my visit with my sister, I will come home and begin a new chapter in chemotherapy. It will be a matter of getting the dosage adjusted to the right amount and adjusting to the new side effects.

Just as I can feel Fall in the air I have felt this coming and hope that the miracle continues.

It's a miracle!

I know that I don't blog enough for a lot of you and I'm sorry. Keeping friends and family updated is important to me. Just consider that no news is good news. :)

I've been thinking lately and wanted to boldly share my thoughts with you...
Since the very first minute of the very first visit with my oncologist he told me straight up that he could not cure me... that this illness is terminal. It took some time for that news to really sink in and to be able to accept it and say it out loud. I know it's not a comfortable conversation to have and people want to tell me "everything will be okay" and "there is always hope" and  "miracles happen".  I appreciate the support and the optimism and I agree wholeheartedly. I also appreciate the many concerned and caring people who have sent or offered information and products that may "cure" my cancer. The amount of information given to me has been overwhelming. Everyone knows somebody who was cured by this method of treatment or that and I know it is their love and concern and desire to help that prompts them to offer these things.

The last thing I want to do is to spend my time desperately seeking a cure or always wondering if one method is better than the other or doubting my choices. I chose the path of chemotherapy.  I have come a long way since January 2012. Although chemotherapy has it's yucky parts, I have energy and am able to do a lot.  Everyone tells me I look great and for the most part I feel great too. I see the looks on the nurses faces when they ask if I am in any pain and for almost a year and a half I have said no. I have seen a look of surprise, excitement, and almost disbelief on my doctors' faces when I tell them how well I'm doing after 19 months on my first chemotherapy regimen that was only supposed to last at most 12 months. I haven't had to have a meal brought in for over a year. I have traveled to see family and friends and expect to travel some more.  What ever happens down the road, I know I'm living a miracle right now.  Miracles happen! My hope is that this miracle will last until I have done everything that needs to be done. There is always hope.

I just want to say that I am at peace with my choices, mostly because I believe that it's not in my control. I'm in God's hands and His will is mine. Everyhing will be okay. If I have more work to do here then I am confident that He will give me the time. When my time is up it is because I have done what I came here to do. It's as simple as that really.