Monday, September 16, 2013

Change is in the air

I woke up early this morning, to head into Seattle for chemo and the air was crisp and cool. I love the Fall and I think it has arrived. Time to get out my boots and sweaters and quilts (well, they're always out) and jackets!

I had a CT scan on Friday and was anxious to find out the results of that. it had been scheduled for the 27th but they bumped it up because my liver function tests had been running high over the pasts few months and they continued to climb. The blood work from today showed they are a little better than last time but still high. The CT scan showed that most everything was stable but the tumors in my lungs once again were growing a little. My cancer markers doubled to 404 from two weeks ago. So the doctor gave me a choice. I could continue the same chemotherapy and see if we could squeeze out a few more good rounds or go ahead and change chemos which was already going to happen sometime soon. He said there is no wrong answer and that sometimes there is a very clear line when it can be determined that the chemotherapy is no longer working and you move to the next one. But in this case it wasn't so clear. Things are kind of going up and down.

After weighing the pros and cons we decided to change chemotherapys. One thing that helped me make that decision is when they told me that we can come back to this chemotherapy later if we need to. So after my visit with my sister, I will come home and begin a new chapter in chemotherapy. It will be a matter of getting the dosage adjusted to the right amount and adjusting to the new side effects.

Just as I can feel Fall in the air I have felt this coming and hope that the miracle continues.

Friday, September 13, 2013

It's a miracle!

I know that I don't blog enough for a lot of you and I'm sorry. Keeping friends and family updated is important to me. Just consider that no news is good news. :)

I've been thinking lately and wanted to boldly share my thoughts with you...
Since the very first minute of the very first visit with my oncologist he told me straight up that he could not cure me... that this illness is terminal. It took some time for that news to really sink in and to be able to accept it and say it out loud. I know it's not a comfortable conversation to have and people want to tell me "everything will be okay" and "there is always hope" and  "miracles happen".  I appreciate the support and the optimism and I agree wholeheartedly. I also appreciate the many concerned and caring people who have sent or offered information and products that may "cure" my cancer. The amount of information given to me has been overwhelming. Everyone knows somebody who was cured by this method of treatment or that and I know it is their love and concern and desire to help that prompts them to offer these things.

The last thing I want to do is to spend my time desperately seeking a cure or always wondering if one method is better than the other or doubting my choices. I chose the path of chemotherapy.  I have come a long way since January 2012. Although chemotherapy has it's yucky parts, I have energy and am able to do a lot.  Everyone tells me I look great and for the most part I feel great too. I see the looks on the nurses faces when they ask if I am in any pain and for almost a year and a half I have said no. I have seen a look of surprise, excitement, and almost disbelief on my doctors' faces when I tell them how well I'm doing after 19 months on my first chemotherapy regimen that was only supposed to last at most 12 months. I haven't had to have a meal brought in for over a year. I have traveled to see family and friends and expect to travel some more.  What ever happens down the road, I know I'm living a miracle right now.  Miracles happen! My hope is that this miracle will last until I have done everything that needs to be done. There is always hope.

I just want to say that I am at peace with my choices, mostly because I believe that it's not in my control. I'm in God's hands and His will is mine. Everyhing will be okay. If I have more work to do here then I am confident that He will give me the time. When my time is up it is because I have done what I came here to do. It's as simple as that really.