I know that I don't blog enough for a lot of you and I'm sorry. Keeping friends and family updated is important to me. Just consider that no news is good news. :)
I've been thinking lately and wanted to boldly share my thoughts with you...
Since the very first minute of the very first visit with my oncologist he told me straight up that he could not cure me... that this illness is terminal. It took some time for that news to really sink in and to be able to accept it and say it out loud. I know it's not a comfortable conversation to have and people want to tell me "everything will be okay" and "there is always hope" and "miracles happen". I appreciate the support and the optimism and I agree wholeheartedly. I also appreciate the many concerned and caring people who have sent or offered information and products that may "cure" my cancer. The amount of information given to me has been overwhelming. Everyone knows somebody who was cured by this method of treatment or that and I know it is their love and concern and desire to help that prompts them to offer these things.
The last thing I want to do is to spend my time desperately seeking a cure or always wondering if one method is better than the other or doubting my choices. I chose the path of chemotherapy. I have come a long way since January 2012. Although chemotherapy has it's yucky parts, I have energy and am able to do a lot. Everyone tells me I look great and for the most part I feel great too. I see the looks on the nurses faces when they ask if I am in any pain and for almost a year and a half I have said no. I have seen a look of surprise, excitement, and almost disbelief on my doctors' faces when I tell them how well I'm doing after 19 months on my first chemotherapy regimen that was only supposed to last at most 12 months. I haven't had to have a meal brought in for over a year. I have traveled to see family and friends and expect to travel some more. What ever happens down the road, I know I'm living a miracle right now. Miracles happen! My hope is that this miracle will last until I have done everything that needs to be done. There is always hope.
I just want to say that I am at peace with my choices, mostly because I believe that it's not in my control. I'm in God's hands and His will is mine. Everyhing will be okay. If I have more work to do here then I am confident that He will give me the time. When my time is up it is because I have done what I came here to do. It's as simple as that really.