Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

Wednesday, July 16 at 6:15pm our Mom passed away. She was awake and alert when she left. We were there to watch her go. How badly I wanted to stop her suffering. It was difficult to watch, but I knew letting her get through it was the only way she would be pain free and with her own Mom again. I miss her so much. Words do not even come close to explaining the feelings we all felt, and still feel. She was an amazing woman. How grateful we are to call her "mom", our family's sweetheart. There is a hole in our hearts, until we see her again. My dear dad has been a rock for us and handled her passing with such grace and faith. Her battle with cancer is lost, but not without a few good kicks from Dawna and all who love her.

Please join us in gathering for her funeral services in Monroe, Washington.

The funeral service will be held Monday July 21st

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

17332 Tester Road

Viewing will be 9:00-10:30am

Funeral service will begin at 11:00am

There will be a graveside service in Brigham City, Utah on July 24th at Brigham City Cemetery at 9:00am, where we will lay her body to rest.

Thank you for the love and support extended. Keep the love coming!

Dear Family and Friends

At Valerie's request, I am writing to give you an update on Dawna.
 
She is living her last days at home with her family. She has loved ones with her at all times. She has excellent medical care. She is peaceful and comfortable. The Goldens ask that you respect this intimate and treasured time together. 
 
The family welcomes expressions of love and support; they also respectfully ask that there be no visitors. There is a mail holder next to the front door, if you want to leave a card or a message. Please feel free to comment here or send email messages.
 
As a friend, I thank you for your love and support for Dawna and her loved ones. 
  
With love and respect,
Rhonda Petersen

Change

I am so sorry for the lack of posts. I suppose I kept the hospice experience more intimate. The purpose of this post is to show the change my Mom has endured over the past few months, and to note a more substantial decline in the last few weeks.

Since our visit to my mom in April, my brother Corey made it out in May to see Mom. I love this first picture of them. It makes me want to jump inside and hug them both! This will be a treasure for Corey to have to look back on.

This weekend, baby Kurt and I returned home from a week long trip to see my Mom again. It is so fun to see her face light up when she see's Kurtis. Here are some photos from our trip.

I could probably list off all of the not so pretty things about how cancer is treating her, but I won't. Just know she is in a lot of pain and discomfort, and she is loved and taken care of. The hospice nurses that come are very sweet and helpful. My Mom has such dear friends who have stepped in a carried her through this significant trial in her life. The support, help and love extended to my family makes my heart swell. The countless meals, treats, flowers, cards and more, brought over strengthens the foundation of faith we stand on as we approach the end. Mom you are the sweetest and most selfless person I know. What an honor it has been to help and serve you, even if it was only a few days. I am so grateful for those who are still helping. We love you Mom!

Dear Friends and Family

This is Valerie again, my family and I have appreciated feeling your love and prayers on our behalf. It feels good to be lifted and supported throughout this experience. This post will be the hardest to share since the news of my mom's diagnosis.

After the last CT scan decisions of what to do next faced us like a dead end street. There was one last treatment option, a targeted therapy, technically not chemotherapy. Weighing the pros and cons of the treatment, at first it seemed automatic to just get started on it, because what other choice did we have? Well, it comes down to quality of life. We knew in the beginning this was terminal. It is not about chasing treatments, it's about making my mom feel as comfortable and as pain free as possible while enjoying time with family and friends. With this last treatment came side effects that would have given her more bad days than good. It was not worth it to continue treatment, so she has stopped them. We feel this was the best decision! With nothing else to be done she is now on hospice.

I remember getting the call, I was looking out of my bedroom window. Everything went blurry for a minute and my heart sank. As I was holding my 2 month old son, I felt so sad. A kind of sad I have never felt before. A flood of memories came over me and clashed with moments I had envisioned in the future with my mom. After it sank in, that she will be passing soon, I felt an overwhelming sense of strength and peace. I feel so loved by God and I know He wants me to be happy. I know without a doubt that she will still be part of my life. She will be with me in spirit and I will see her again. I love her so much.

Folfiri

My first round of the new chemo, folfiri was not very pleasant. I left SCCA in a wheelchair, dizzy, and with twitching eyes. My eyes finally got back to normal after about 5 hours. It was a side effect of one of the meds they gave me to reduce an expected side effect that I never got. I won't be taking that again. One side effect of this chemo is a lovely acne type rash which I do have.

I went in for my 2nd round and was neutropenic so I couldn't have chemo that day. Instead, I went in the next three days for shots to help boost my white blood count. So chemo was delayed a week and I went in on Tuesday. Everything went well. I feel good. The only thing is that my hair is thinning big time.  I don't know how much I'll loose but it's freaking me out a bit when I wash my hair and I find big clumps of hair in my hands and also when I style it. I'm trying to stay positive but losing your hair is hard. 

My last CT scan showed not only the tumors in my lungs growing but the one in my colon growing as well. I feel I made the right decision in making the chemo switch. I have gone in for testing on the colon. The pictures show a significant narrowing of the colon in one place which has been giving me problems. I will be going in next week to have a stent put in to help relieve those problems and make me more comfortable. 

I know that whatever we are asked to go through in this life it is for our growth and benefit. I am trusting the process and am striving to stay positive and learn what is meant for me to learn and do what is asked of me to do. I love my family and am strengthened by their support as well as the support of fabulous friends. This would be so much harder without you! I trust in my Savior and know that He loves me and is with not only me but my family as we go through this. All of these things bring me comfort and peace.

Visiting Family

For lots of reasons we took a family trip on the East Coast. It was so nice to be together again, but this time we saw extended family. We started in Baltimore and made our way up to New York. Baltimore/DC was our favorite! We got to see our cousins and did a lot more site seeing. Thanks MD Goldens for a great time!

It was a blast!.....

Fort McHenry

Washington DC!

We stopped at the 911 Memorial in NYC

We also saw old neighborhood friends, met up with friends from our church, and

saw my Dad's extended family for a Father's Day dinner.

Corey and Ian were missed for this trip!

Both Mom and Dad had to get root canals on the trip! Can you believe it!? They each were having problems with their teeth before the trip, but the cabin pressure on the flight quickened the pain and urgency to take care of it. Luckily they were both able to be fit in at the dentist (one in Maryland and one in New York).

It was a quick trip, but I was so grateful to see my parents and Jason! So blessed that mom was feeling up for the trip. Thanks for the love and support we felt from some of you!

Good News and News

The good news is...Valerie followed me back to Seattle for what started out as a two week visit and has now turned into three! She came out to help with putting the house back together from the water damage. The new floor is in, and GORGEOUS! We all love it! Downstairs is all painted. The bathroom is nearly complete. It feels like a new house downstairs. Thanks to friends who came to help us in such stressful times. We appreciate the support and feel very loved!

Now for the news. After the last four rounds of chemo my numbers have dropped to 345. Today was my CT scan and we went over the results with my oncologist. The CT scan showed that the tumors in my liver and thyroid are stable...not growing, but the tumors in my lungs are growing and multiplying. He wants to be 100% sure that the new growth is cancer so I will be going in for a biopsy in the next couple of days. If it is not cancer, we will continue the treatment I am on now, folfox. If it is cancer, the chemo regimen will change, to folfiri. I qualify for a clinical trial. It will be an addition to the folfiri. Some of the side effects with the new chemo will be nausea, anorexia, acne rash and no more neuropathy (cold sensitivity and tingling in hands/feet).

It was expected that I would stop responding to the folfox at some point and would be switched to another chemo. There are four chemo regimens. All that I have done up to this point has been the first. If we switch, it will begin the second. There is a 50/50 chance that the clinical trial could be a better treatment. We have the choice to participate. I feel it is worth a shot.

One Day at a Time

Two days after getting back, my mom went in for chemo. She explained about her pain during her trip here and the Doctor decided to change up some of the meds and put her more in control over which at home meds she needed. During the infusion she broke out in a red rash. After stopping the chemo, the nurse talked to the doctor,and gave my mom Benadryl then waited a half hour. When she started the chemo again, it began with a slower drip and gradually built up to the normal flow. She was fine, but the Benadryl of course made her sleep. We'll see how she handles the side effects this week! Now that she has shown hypersensitivity to the oxaliplatin, she will need benadryl, or something like it, each time she goes in for chemo. The nurse said this hypersensitivity doesn't happen when you first start chemo but down the line several rounds later. Your body finally says, "Ok! I've had enough, I don't like you" and the Benadryl calms it down.

It's a watch and see situation. She may tolerate it just fine with Benedryl or something similar or she may just get to the point of not tolerating it anymore. Her numbers have gone down to 365, so they are moving in the right direction. Also, her white blood cell count was low so they gave her a shot to boost her white blood cells and told her to expect to be in pain for a couple of weeks.

In other news, I am hearing the new wood floor is beautiful! It was hard for my mom to be 3,000 miles away  while they laid the new floor from the water damage. (See here) I still can't believe that happened. A special thanks to all those who helped my parents with that. It is so comforting to know they have incredible friends who love them and would help out any way they can!

Everything works out one way or the other. Life is not suppose to be easy, of course. I know where to find peace. I know I am loved and hard things are for my growth. For all the 'surprises' in our lives, here's to taking one day at a time and getting good perspective from it.

CT Scan

Monday was my latest CT Scan. It showed that most of my tumors have remained the same but a couple of the tumors in my lungs have grown just a little bit and my numbers have gone up a little. They are 269. Also my thyroid is low so I am now taking medication for my thyroid.  My doctor said overall he is happy with the scan. Considering where I was in the beginning, this is still a good place to be, and believe me, I agree. I still feel good. Sometimes I get really tired but hopefully the new meds will help with that.
I've tried several times to respond to your comments and for some reason I can't, but I want all of you to know that I read and appreciate each of your comments. I am thankful to have the support of amazing and wonderful friends in my life.

Feeling Good

I've had people ask me to update the blog more often. I'll try to be more regular with my enteries.
I'm happy to let you know that I feel good. I am quilting again and working on various small projects. I still have not developed the ability to pace myself so I tend to wear myself out quickly but I do feel good other than getting really tired rather quickly. My cancer marker continues to drop, it is now at 560.
The first round of oral chemotherapy was interesting. At first I could not keep my balance which is not even a side effect of this pill. I experienced a mild case of the hand foot syndrome and so my dose has been adjusted beginning with this round which began yesterday.
I am looking forward to going with the young women in our ward this week on their high adventure. We will be white water rafting! So excited!

Hawaii and other updates...

This past round of Chemo brought with it some random side effects. One was that my feet started to really hurt in the middle of the night. The next day they were all red and it hurt to walk. I wasn't sure what it was but after talking to the nurse she said it was related to the Chemo and that they might have to ajust the treatment next time.

Eddie and I were surprised last week with a trip to Hawaii!!! A collection was made and several people from Eddie's work donated money to get us to Hawaii, including plane tickets, a place to stay and all expenses! What a sweet and generous gift! We had a great time. It was nice to see the sun, and just get away. Thank you to everyone who made that possible.

We continue to see blessings in our lives and consider our friends and family to be among the biggest. The love and concern that is expressed by so many touches my heart-even from strangers that I've never met.

Ian shared  our story with his ward and they are concerned about me. I have recieved cards and notes from members of his ward expressing their concern for me and letting me know they are praying for me. While I appreciate the prayers in my behalf  it is so nice to know that Ian, being away from home, is also being loved and supported by such caring people.

Monday is my 4th Chemo and halfway mark. On April 6th I go in for CT scan to see how I am responding to treatments. If it goes well, the plan is to have 4 more treatments.

Round Two

We are at SCCA as mom gets her second dose of chemotherapy.
She is doing great! And she got one of her favorites...grape juice.
We were able to be moved to a bigger room with a bed. She also got to meet with a nutritionist, which was helpful.
Its a good girls day too!

Feeling Grateful

I'm sorry for leaving all of you hanging. I'm doing fine. It was a little bit of a rough week but feeling close to normal now.
I continue to be overwhelmed by the thoughtful acts of service performed by friends and family and even strangers. I definately do not feel like I'm in this alone. Thank you to everyone who has brought in a meal, come to clean my house, dropped off surprise goodies, sent notes of love and encouragement, and continues to pray for me and my family. I feel so loved.

"Can you see the holiness in those things you take for granted - a paved road or a washing machine? If you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul."
- Rabbi Harold Kushner"

Valentines

Thank you for the thoughtful Valentine gifts Mom received today. It is her second day of chemo and she is feeling a lot worse than yesterday. They were much appreciated pick me ups! She spent most of the day in bed. We are so grateful for wonderful friends who have been so supportive and loving through all this.
Happy Valentines Day!

ER

On Friday night we went to the emergency room again. Mom hadn't been feeling good. She had a headache and fever. She also felt nauseous. We were worried her port had gotten infected since it had gotten a little wet earlier. Her blood pressure was the highest its been. 181/101. The doctor we called said to get her blood drawn to see if it was an infection so we decided to go yo the emergency room in Monroe. After a really long wait they were able to help her. Things went back to normal and there was thankfully no infection.

Mom starts chemo today 8am! Glad to get it started...we will soon see how she reacts to it.

Special thanks to the girls who came over yesterday to bring her a chemo basket! So sweet and thoughtful.

Prognosis

Monday we went in to our first oncology visit.

Almost to the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance

Beautiful view from the waiting room

The first thing we were told is that they cannot "cure" stage 4 colon cancer, but they can extend my life expectancy with chemotherapy. They said that on average with treatment I could expect to live two years. Of course we have read about those who have survived this and I believe that if it's the Lord's will, I can too.


I go in on Thursday to have a "port" put in which provides a simple and relatively painless (I hope) method to administer chemotherapy drugs.


Monday I begin chemotherapy. I will be there a large part of the day to get chemo and then go home with a pump that will continue to give me chemo over the next couple of days. Then a nurse will come "unhook" me, take her pump and I will continue this process every other Monday for a couple of months. Then I will have a CT scan to see how I am responding.
The good news is the doctor doesn't think I will lose my hair! I guess I didn't need to get this haircut afterall but it sure is a LOT easier to do! Of course I wonder how sure he can be that I won't lose hair so I'm prepared for either way.

This whole thing has happened so fast. I can not believe I am sitting here talking about the things I'm talking about. But there is one thing I want all of you to know...I trust my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ. If I have to go through this, there is a  reason. And I know I am being watched over and blessed as well as my family. I am so grateful to all of you for your outpouring of love and concern for me and my family.

Girls Day

The day before we found out Mom has cancer, she got her hair done.

After thinking about it, and the effects of chemo, she thought

it would be nice to enjoy a short cut for a while!

Ken, her hairdresser and a family friend,
was nice enough to re-cut it for her.

We made it a girls day. I was really glad she was feeling up for it.

Mom tends to feel better in the morning and

get more tired or sick as the day goes on.
She has good days and bad days so we're lucky it was a good day.

First, we went to Kohls to buy her some cute comfy clothes,
which we totally scored!

Then we headed over to the salon.

Before...

After...

The nerves are kicking in...

Looking cuter!!

After the wonderful haircut...Thanks Ken!!...
We headed to subway for lunch.

 It was so beautiful outside and nice and warm too!
This was our view.

It was such a great day. I will never forget it.

__________________________________________

That night, after getting used to the short cut,

we thought it could be even shorter. gasp!

Ken was kind enough to squeeze her in this morning.

And Voila! Cute as can be. I think it looks SO good on her.

"Heart Attack!"

While Mom was getting her colonoscopy,

some amazing friends stopped by to "heart attack" the house.

This is what my Mom came home to.....

It was the coolest thing walking in and having so many notes of love and support throughout the house.

(I beat Mom home and I couldn't wait for her to see everything!!)

They even brought dinner, fruit, cookies, salad, juice,

more dinners (for other nights), flowers, chocolates, balloons, and more!

It was so thoughtful and sweet.
And thanks to the other wonderful surprises from other days!