Missing Her

This is my last planned post.

The past 11 weeks I have had constant flash backs from any given moment in time with my Mom. She is dead, but still very much alive. At night, in my dreams, I can even smell her. I have never lost someone close to me before. It's a shame she had to be my first. I sometimes think of what we would be doing if she never had cancer. Right now, she would be on her way to Charlotte to squish her cute grandson and help me make our new house a home by decorating and, well, you name it. How we both looked forward to that, and so many things.

Between the memories and clinging thoughts of her, I can hear a distant voice so clear "...it's cancer." My heart sank to the point of disappearing. I spent over two years pulling my heart back up only to find she's taken it with her. It feels gone forever. Somehow life goes on. It really is odd. The day she was diagnosed and the day she died. Those two moments changed me forever. They literally altered my being. I am able to see others who are going through this, with so much understanding. I know that is how our Savior sees us. He suffered for us so that He can understand us and know how to comfort us. The atonement goes so much deeper, but I have experienced His pure love for us, charity, because of this heartache. I have a deeper understanding and love for others because I know what it feels like. I am so grateful that I can turn to Christ in my trials and feel peace. Also, for those around me who have shown me love and understanding during this.

Watching my Mom breathe her last few minutes, I can not express to you the way she showed me such strength. It was scary and it was painful, for us both. But it was also in a way, beautiful. Knowing how she lived her life and imagining her welcomed home with open arms. I can not wait to see her again.

I feel like she is very present in my life. I love that. It's not how I pictured it, but nothing can break our bond as family, not even death. For however long I have left in this life, I hope I can endure it well, like she did.

_ _ _

Thank you to all of our friends and family who helped with the funeral and graveside services. And for all of those in attendance. It was heartwarming to see so many people. My family and I have certainly felt loved.

For you, Mom.

Creating is cultivated,

in your selfless heart.

Brush strokes, sewn hems, beautifying,

your life produced much art.

The talents that you magnified,

touched lives of all around.

As "Mother," your teachings to us,

were something quite profound.

You filled your life with endless purpose,

it goes beyond the grave.

How do I begin to thank you

for the example that you gave.

It is in the things you did,

and what you chose to say.

I know that your love for Him

is how you found your way.

Unwavering faith, endured much,

a broken heart, made whole.

Until the day we meet again,

you'll be here in my soul.

--Valerie

Her Eulogy

Dawna Golden

Anyone who was blessed to know Dawna during her lifetime was well aware of her creative spirit. She would not hesitate to dive into projects that were beyond her knowledge or skill sets. She had an impressive aptitude to learn and to teach herself, adding to her ever-growing list of talents.

Dawna worked hard to make her home a place of comfort and refuge. As a talented piano player, she believed that music was one of the fastest and most efficient ways of inviting the spirit of the Lord into the room. She blessed the Golden home with countless hours of beautiful music and even taught her children, and others from around the neighborhood, how to play the piano.

As a young mother, she nurtured the imagination of her children through drawing, reading, singing and more. She valued family traditions and loved to create new ones. Making memories has always been very important to her. Being spontanious was thrilling to Dawna and it was enjoyable to see her face light up when she was having a good time. Her laugh is a priceless trait, it was like non other that made you feel lighter and happier just from hearing it. She was very good at spreading happiness.

Dawna looked at obsticles in life and found lessons to learn from them, making sure to share her experiences with her children. It was important to teach them to recognize God's hand in their lives. The experiences that have shaped her and caused her faith to be tested and to grow have made her an amazing woman, and a wise Mother. Only four will be so lucky to call her "Mom."

Dawna believed that it was possible to lose sight of one’s own difficulties and burdens through the selfless service to others. She never refused a church calling, or the chance to help someone in need, regardless of how many things she had already undertaken. Her hardworking, selfless nature was exemplified in her service to everyone she came in contact with. As a friend, a neighbor, a Visiting Teacher, and as a daughter of God, Dawna always put others before herself, whole heartedly.

To quote her husband, Eddie, “The Golden family was always at the top of our game with Dawna’s guidance and direction.” She possessed a tenacious drive to ensure the success of her children and her husband. Supporting her husband’s difficult work schedule and preparing her four young children for school, church, Scouting and Young Womens events, she lovingly steered them in a righteous direction. She truly was a Liahona to her family. 

Throughout her life, Dawna was a beautiful woman, with a matching spirit and personality noticed by all. Despite the sickness she suffered from, she seemed to shine brighter and emanate more beauty with each phase that she entered into. The sparkle in her eyes was a testament to the strength and beauty she embodied.

Dawna will always be remembered as a loving wife, mother, and sister. She was patient. She was spiritually in-tune. She was the paragon of a loving, righteous, and faithful daughter of our Heavenly Father. She was an example of strength and perseverance. Throughout her sickness, and even in her final moments, Dawna was able to teach us of humility and submission to Heavenly Father’s eternal plan. Her creating will not stop, she will be continuously moving closer to her full potential. Dawna will be missed and forever loved. We are grateful to know that we will see her again.

--Written by Corey Golden and Valerie Isham

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

Wednesday, July 16 at 6:15pm our Mom passed away. She was awake and alert when she left. We were there to watch her go. How badly I wanted to stop her suffering. It was difficult to watch, but I knew letting her get through it was the only way she would be pain free and with her own Mom again. I miss her so much. Words do not even come close to explaining the feelings we all felt, and still feel. She was an amazing woman. How grateful we are to call her "mom", our family's sweetheart. There is a hole in our hearts, until we see her again. My dear dad has been a rock for us and handled her passing with such grace and faith. Her battle with cancer is lost, but not without a few good kicks from Dawna and all who love her.

Please join us in gathering for her funeral services in Monroe, Washington.

The funeral service will be held Monday July 21st

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

17332 Tester Road

Viewing will be 9:00-10:30am

Funeral service will begin at 11:00am

There will be a graveside service in Brigham City, Utah on July 24th at Brigham City Cemetery at 9:00am, where we will lay her body to rest.

Thank you for the love and support extended. Keep the love coming!

Dear Family and Friends

At Valerie's request, I am writing to give you an update on Dawna.
 
She is living her last days at home with her family. She has loved ones with her at all times. She has excellent medical care. She is peaceful and comfortable. The Goldens ask that you respect this intimate and treasured time together. 
 
The family welcomes expressions of love and support; they also respectfully ask that there be no visitors. There is a mail holder next to the front door, if you want to leave a card or a message. Please feel free to comment here or send email messages.
 
As a friend, I thank you for your love and support for Dawna and her loved ones. 
  
With love and respect,
Rhonda Petersen

Change

I am so sorry for the lack of posts. I suppose I kept the hospice experience more intimate. The purpose of this post is to show the change my Mom has endured over the past few months, and to note a more substantial decline in the last few weeks.

Since our visit to my mom in April, my brother Corey made it out in May to see Mom. I love this first picture of them. It makes me want to jump inside and hug them both! This will be a treasure for Corey to have to look back on.

This weekend, baby Kurt and I returned home from a week long trip to see my Mom again. It is so fun to see her face light up when she see's Kurtis. Here are some photos from our trip.

I could probably list off all of the not so pretty things about how cancer is treating her, but I won't. Just know she is in a lot of pain and discomfort, and she is loved and taken care of. The hospice nurses that come are very sweet and helpful. My Mom has such dear friends who have stepped in a carried her through this significant trial in her life. The support, help and love extended to my family makes my heart swell. The countless meals, treats, flowers, cards and more, brought over strengthens the foundation of faith we stand on as we approach the end. Mom you are the sweetest and most selfless person I know. What an honor it has been to help and serve you, even if it was only a few days. I am so grateful for those who are still helping. We love you Mom!

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

My mother is still doing well. I expected complete bed rest when I heard hospice. She is up and about, but not as much as before. Garrett and I wanted to bring her grandson, Kurtis, for a visit while she could still enjoy him. Not to mention we were a bit homesick for the pacific northwest. So we booked the flights and had one goal...to spend as much time with my mom, and family, as possible! (Corey, we missed you!!)

While we were there we had some last minute family pictures done at home by Chantel. (www.photographybyblush.com) They turned out so beautiful!

Here's to Family

The results of the CT scan my mom had a few weeks ago showed no growth in her tumors. Only the tumor in her thyroid shrunk just a little. Because of these results, the doctor decided to keep her on folfox (the current chemo she has been on) for another two months of treatments. She will have another CT scan at the end to check the progress again and decide from there if there will be any changes.

From the talks I've had with her and check in calls, she gets tired more frequently now. Her hair has started to thin again. She has even started feeling nauseous and throwing up (sorry mom, but friends should know). I will catch her working on her quilts and doing things she loves which makes me feel so grateful. I am so happy she has energy to keep going. However hard it is and however sick she feels sometimes, I know she keeps going for us, her kiddies. I wish our family was closer so that we could be more helpful and share more memories together, but I know even when we can't see the daily struggles and feelings she has, that she thinks of us and finds it in her to keep going. I know we all think of her often and are amazed. There is nothing better than family and I feel so lucky to have mine. For those who haven't heard, the youngest in our family, Jason, is leaving in August to serve a two year LDS mission in the Philippines. I know it was a hard decision for him to make, but hard as it was our family is so proud of his decision. In January, we will welcome home Ian who is serving his mission in San Diego. My mom has been holding strong especially for him. He was gone when we learned about the cancer. I know when the two of them meet again, it will be a very sweet reunion. There is something about our family being apart, but feeling close. I love knowing I have them forever.

East Coast Visit

When my Mom was on the pill form of chemo, she was feeling pretty good and around Christmas time we planned a trip for her to visit us in Charlotte. We planned for March, a big part because Wicked was coming to town. It was perfect, she booked plane tickets and play tickets and the countdown began. A few weeks before her coming out, she had stopped responding to the pill and needed to be put back on the infusion form. This makes my stomach turn because, well, for all sorts of reasons, but mainly because I knew it meant she was not going to be living life as comfortably anymore. The physical side effects of this treatment are harsh and seem to pile on.

Luckily, she was still able to come out. We had her for two whole weeks! Her sister also lives in Charlotte and my brother, Corey, lives two hours away. My mom got to triple dip!

There were two treatments before she came. The side effects are creeping back in her life. She had one bad day, her second day here. She had very bad pain, the exact same as in the beginning when she was prepping for her colonoscopy. We thought she might end up in the ER again. Things calmed down and she was good for the rest of her trip. Her hands and feet are peeling a lot and Corey found these really cool socks/gloves that are aloe/olive oil coated which are good.

She was surprised how much she liked the south and I had a great time showing her around. We went to the Columbia Temple, Farmers Markets, Latta Plantation, bakeries, southern restaurant to eat fried green tomatoes and shrimp and grits, lots of cute shops, parks, haircut, train ride, went to see OZ with Corey and Wicked with Lauana, and lots more!

It sure is quiet now that she's gone...

Hawaii and other updates...

This past round of Chemo brought with it some random side effects. One was that my feet started to really hurt in the middle of the night. The next day they were all red and it hurt to walk. I wasn't sure what it was but after talking to the nurse she said it was related to the Chemo and that they might have to ajust the treatment next time.

Eddie and I were surprised last week with a trip to Hawaii!!! A collection was made and several people from Eddie's work donated money to get us to Hawaii, including plane tickets, a place to stay and all expenses! What a sweet and generous gift! We had a great time. It was nice to see the sun, and just get away. Thank you to everyone who made that possible.

We continue to see blessings in our lives and consider our friends and family to be among the biggest. The love and concern that is expressed by so many touches my heart-even from strangers that I've never met.

Ian shared  our story with his ward and they are concerned about me. I have recieved cards and notes from members of his ward expressing their concern for me and letting me know they are praying for me. While I appreciate the prayers in my behalf  it is so nice to know that Ian, being away from home, is also being loved and supported by such caring people.

Monday is my 4th Chemo and halfway mark. On April 6th I go in for CT scan to see how I am responding to treatments. If it goes well, the plan is to have 4 more treatments.

Family Visits and Cancer Updates

Mom's brothers took turns to come see her.

She has 6 brothers and 1 sister.

5 out of 6 brothers came and

her sister is coming at the end of this month

Uncle Lee with Mom

Uncle Dan with Mom

Us with Uncle Dale, Uncle Tom, Aunt Angela and Uncle John

Cancer Updates

Mom had her third treatment this week and everything went well! She is feeling good. It amazing me how with all of the chemicals they are pumping in her, she can feel the way she does.

I expected so much worse (and it can be).

We are all feeling the strength of your prayers.

It really makes a difference! In more ways than you think.

_______

From Mom's blood work there are numbers called cancer
counters that represent how much cancer is in her.

She started off with 16,000 and was down to 11,000.
The doctor called today to say it is now down to 6,000!

To give some perspective...normal is 5. Not 500 not 5,000 just 5.

It seems to be working but we have a long way to go.

April 6th is a CT Scan that will tell more of the progress of the

treatments and will determine future treatments.

Feeling Grateful

I'm sorry for leaving all of you hanging. I'm doing fine. It was a little bit of a rough week but feeling close to normal now.
I continue to be overwhelmed by the thoughtful acts of service performed by friends and family and even strangers. I definately do not feel like I'm in this alone. Thank you to everyone who has brought in a meal, come to clean my house, dropped off surprise goodies, sent notes of love and encouragement, and continues to pray for me and my family. I feel so loved.

"Can you see the holiness in those things you take for granted - a paved road or a washing machine? If you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul."
- Rabbi Harold Kushner"

"Heart Attack!"

While Mom was getting her colonoscopy,

some amazing friends stopped by to "heart attack" the house.

This is what my Mom came home to.....

It was the coolest thing walking in and having so many notes of love and support throughout the house.

(I beat Mom home and I couldn't wait for her to see everything!!)

They even brought dinner, fruit, cookies, salad, juice,

more dinners (for other nights), flowers, chocolates, balloons, and more!

It was so thoughtful and sweet.
And thanks to the other wonderful surprises from other days!